Fun House, do you? Grrr. I have high scores and interesting opinions, too. Why am I not interviewed? Is it because I'm . . . thirty-one? This blatant ageism nauseates me.

 My own Nintendo strengths are grim persistence and a cool, steely logic. I admit that I am a mercenary. I am not loyal to one cause. I go where I am called. I will save any planet, crush any flying crab, no matter how rare a species. When I run into trouble, I just get more agile and more clever.

I'm less skilled when it comes to repeated punching and endless turbo speed-bike courses, which figure heavily in Battletoads. So I vanquish those amphibians by extracting their game cartridge and hurling it against the wall. Next!

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